Blood Test Result

I decided this needed it's own post - plus I had something else to tell you!

Ok...let's have a wee recap of those numbers
Monday 227
Wednesday 530
Friday 1030
And today
Monday 1850

Nice huh?

Oh and I wanted to tell you that there were six or seven dogs at the park this afternoon, one of them a very dominant male Alsation, and our wee Katie jumped on him and completely ruled him! Including taking his tennis ball off him at one point. Yeah!

Monday's Scan

Well, we now can see five follicles on the left ovary! He didn't even bother checking the right ovary...not sure I blame him! By the way, all scans are "transvaginal" which is of course not the most pleasant thing on earth - especially when he starts pushing the wand a little hard in an effort to see past my intestines!

So, wee follies, 1 is 16mm, 1 is 13mm, 2 are 10mm, and the fifth is too small to really count. But it's there so I am counting it...

The plan is another two nights of injections, then a scan and blood test on Wednesday. Hopefully at that point the two 10mm follies will have caught up a bit with the big ones. The nurse had left out all my trigger shots for me, but they won't be needed just yet (there were a few boxes there, and I am pretty sure DH is going to have to inject me in butt...poor lad, expect tears!)

Feeling just a little more positive now...each wee hurdle overcome is one less thing to deal with later! It's nice to know they are growing (the fact I cannot wear my jeans due to my tummy being bloated was part proof, but not proof enough for me!)

Will update with today's blood test result when I get it!

Tired out and emotional...

Ahh, the hormones really hit yesterday, and I had a good cry for half an hour. DH was lovely, of course, and escaped later for an afternoon of sailing far away from all wives with Gonal F induced craziness. So, I had a couple of hours in the sun painting the fence and thinking about things in general. And then I had to come back inside as I burst into tears when I *finally* realised that this cycle is IT!

You see, I knew from my laparoscopy in February that my left fallopian tube is damaged and leaking. And from these two IVF attempts, I know that the right ovary is completely inactive. If it is actually there and hasn't moved to a more hospitable climate. So, that means that if this cycle doesn't work, then that's the end. No miracles. No "oops we got pregnant after IVF". Nothing. Nada. No chance at all. That hurt quite a lot. I think I needed time to grieve that complete loss of hope - it had always been at the back of my mind that just maybe, something would happen. And I finally figured it out that it wouldn't.

I have regained some of my positivity, out of necessity, as I know I have to get through the next few days of scans, blood tests, and hopefully an egg retrieval. So...it's not over till the fat lady sings, and I am not giving up quite yet. Will report blood test and scan results tomorrow!

Today's Scan...

Wow, what a gorgeous morning! We were awake around 5, did my morning injection at 5.45 and then DH took Katie for walk. We left here around 7.20 to go over to the hospital, where our doc met us. Ice on our car this morning, and low mist, so with the sun coming up it was just so pretty over the harbour.

The scan was much clearer, and showed three follicles, largest measuring 11.5mm on my left ovary. The right ovary is nowhere to be seen, despite repeated attempts, so it would seem that the large ovarian cyst I had removed a few years ago was the cause of it's demise. The follicles are still fairly small - they need them around 20mm to harvest them, so it's now a scanning and waiting game.

As the doc says, there is no point stopping now. We cancelled last time at this point, and I still don't regret that decision because this second cycle has proved is that my ovary is a pretty tired old thing. So, carry on with the injections, and another blood test and scan on Monday. Depending on that, possible egg retrieval at the end of next week (which suits me better than early next week!)

Can't help but feel a bit down - but we knew we could only afford to give it one shot, and give it our best shot at the same time, and while I am not ruling out success I guess I am guarding my heart a little from too much hope.

Feeling gutted...

Went in for a blood test this morning, then to see my doc for a scan. Well, not great news, he still couldn't see the right ovary, and while there are a couple of small follicles on the left ovary (he wouldn't even count them as they were hard to see and small), things aren't looking too great.

I think my doc is used to folks crying in his office, and had tissues at the ready! The upshot is that we are waiting to hear the blood test results this afternoon, and if the estrogen level rises again we will go over to the main clinic tomorrow (Saturday) for a scan using their more sophisticated scan machine and hopefully he will be able to see more, and perhaps the right ovary. So, tonight will be four injections as I am going to use up the Gonal pens that I have left over with a wee dose left in each.

I talked to him about protocols, those that I have read about from the US etc, but those treatments are not approved here in New Zealand. I am on the highest dose of Gonal that they use, and I just seem to be one of those people who don't respond well. I just feel gutted - I've had a sore tummy all week, with bloating and twinges, and had so hoped that meant that I would see a bit more action.

Will update later when I have the blood test result and the plan (if there is one) going forward.

*****Update*****

Today's blood test result is 1043 - a good double from two days ago. Does this mean while I may not have many eggs, they are good ones? Who knows...I am too weary to think about it! So...same dosage of Gonal tonight and then an 8am appointment across the other side of town from us to do the scan.

Sigh. From despair to hope again. This rollercoaster is not much fun!

Thursday...

Hubby was away last night so I did my injections all by myself! Well, I always do my injections myself, but he usually helps in preparing them and making sympathetic noises when it stings! Then it was off to Puppy School graduation. Katie's brother and sister, Darcy and Emily, were there, as well as Diesel the insanely growling (yet wimpy) spaniel, and of course Mr Biggles the tiny randy Pekinese. Katie weighed in at 14.3 kgs, heavier than her siblings, and I had a strangely proud moment, only spoiled by her pooing on the carpet! But she sat on command (eventually) and was awarded her certificate and a bunch of treats! The doting parents swapped phone numbers so I can see some play dates in her future!

I slept really well, till 4am when Dream wanted to go outside. Then 4.30 when she wanted to come back in. Then Katie decided that she wanted to come on the bed too, so I gave in at 4.40 and all the girls curled up on the bed and slept for an hour. Very cozy, I must say.

Apart from all that lovely doggy stuff, I am just hanging out for tomorrow morning, the blood test and scan that will tell me where we are at. I'm alternatively nervous, excited, and fearful, so am quite glad that today is my superbusy day at the office and I won't have too much time to dwell!

Second Blood Test Result

My level is 530 - well up from the 227 a couple of days ago, and well up from the 303 this time last cycle, and I heard those magic words from the nurse "the doctor is quite pleased with this". Ahh. Doctorial approval, makes my day. He seems to just think I am a little bit of a slow responder, and judging by the way I can drink coffee at 9pm and still sleep fine, I figure I have a bit of a cast iron system when it comes to drugs! Of course, I am down to one coffee a day now, so you would think I would have lost some resistance!

So, the plan is to run by the clinic this afternoon and pick up some more Gonal F (I've run out!) and then another blood test and a scan on Friday morning.

Apart from that, it's been an interesting day - work has gone very well, DH is away overnight so I get to be solo Mum to Katie at Puppy School graduation tonight, and apart from some family stuff (let's not go there!!!) I feel like I have got some of my calmness back about this cycle. I was dreading a result like last time, having to cancel before we even got to trigger or egg retrieval, and oh the relief of hearing that number today. There's nothing quite like knowing you have used $2500 worth of drugs and gone through all the pain, emotional turmoil and worry, possibly for nothing!

First Blood Test Result...

The Estrogen level from today's test is 227 - a bit higher than last time, but not amazing. So, back for another blood test on Wednesday, but no scan as they have decided to wait and see what the blood comes back at. Ugh. Feeling a bit down, was sure the number would be through the roof. Oh well, early days yet...

Sunday...

We woke up a bit late - I was an hour late with my morning injection! I forgot to set the alarm! Oh well, I am sure it is fine, they did say at the clinic that it was fine to err an hour or two on either side! Then I went to the office to catch up on some work while DH went to a friend's to play D and D (Dungeons and Dragons). Then we met up back at home and took Katie for a long walk in the park, where she ran around with three other big dogs - too funny. She got bowled a couple of times, but she had a great time and is now curled up in front of the fireplace chewing on her squeaky hedgehog.

Tonight's first injection was fine but the next injection was only part way in when it really started stinging, so I sent hubby into the kitchen to bring me some ice. That helped a lot! Feeling a bit sore, a bit bloated...and have had some episodes of nausea today. First blood test tomorrow morning so I am looking to see some nice big numbers! Apart from that, a quiet night ahead of us, we are both a bit tired!

Send good vibes to Butterflyluvr who is having her retrieval tomorrow!

Starting to feel it...

Last night's injections went fine - we were in the middle of cooking dinner so we put it all on simmer and popped in to the bedroom to do the shots. I did the first one, and got Rupes to prepare the Gonal for me. Then in it went, and all fine. We had a quiet night - watched a silly old movie (Dragnet, Tom Hanks was sooo cute when he was young)

Woke up at 5.35 am - my morning shots are a perfect time during the week but not so good at the weekend! Got out of bed and did my Buserelin, while DH cuddled up with Katie and told her what a brave girl Mummy was! We read for a while then he got up, so there was all the girls having a lay in - two cats, the dog and me! Luxury!

Feeling quite fluey today, and my abdomen seems a little swollen and achy. I've had the odd pain in my ovary area so I can only hope it's the ovaries reacting to the stimulation. Fingers crossed, first blood test isn't till Monday so a wee while to wait.

Here's Katie...I was holding her bone, so it wasn't really me she was looking lovingly at! We met a staffy terrier called Penny in the park yesterday so Katie got worn out running after her. Which was good, as it meant everyone (cats included) slept through the whole night, apart from me waking up at 1am to cough! 

A short fuse...

The injections are going fine - a little sore but I am gritting my teeth and just sticking it in! DH rubbed my shoulder last night while I was doing the biggie which helped. Starting to feel some side effects - very tired for a starter. We went to the mall to get groceries last night and I couldn't wait to get home and to bed! Slept right through which was lovely (thank you Katie for not barking at 3am).

Feeling a wee bit short fused though - work is really busy at the moment and I am finding it a bit tough. My typical day consists of lots of various daily pieces of work, lots of phone calls and emails, so am planning on coming in over the weekend for a half day just to get my "real work" done. I figure I'd rather have a half day here on the weekend than trying to do the accounting work in the course of a normal work day - and with the expected egg retrieval being my busiest week at the office, the more I can get done now, the less stress then!

So...tired, headachy, a bit grumpy. Gotta love IVF! First blood test on Monday so am hoping for great numbers to indicate that I am making lots of lovely follicles!

The big jab...

All day yesterday I was dreading the first big Gonal F injection. No idea why - I've done those shots before, just not injecting that much fluid. Anyway, it went totally fine, I did my small shot first and then primed up the Gonal F pen and off we went. It was a bit sore and burny afterwards, but as we had to take Katie to puppy school my mind was completely taken off it as I spent half an hour laughing at Mr Biggles (a Pekinese weighing 2 kilos) trying to mate Katie (who now weighs 13 kilos!)

The puppies graduate next week! No caps or gowns but they do get to show off their obedience skills...Katie sits and lays down mostly on command, but not when she is distracted, so we'll have to put in some good training time this week!

One thousand visitors!!!!

Wow. I'm honoured. And a little bit freaked :-)

Hope..and hoping

Well, it does feel good to be back in the injection phase again - though last night's Buserelin injection really stung. I must learn not to pull it out again when it hurts and just grit my teeth and inject it. Or I end up with an extra hole! I iced my tummy this morning before injecting which seemed to help. My skin just feels a bit tougher than last time...a bit harder to push the needle in. Still, all in a good cause!

DH and I took Katie to the park last night - it was so much fun. We met a guy who has a seven month old black lab that is in training to become a guide dog. They had a good romp around and she was all tuckered out. We had her off her leash for a while, throwing the tennis ball for her to fetch. Fetch means she should bring it back to you - ummm no. Fetch to Katie means she goes and gets the ball, runs back towards us and then at the last minute veers off and lays down a good way away. Then, if we are very lucky, and make our voices all happy and appealing, she'll run back to us. All good fun!

I've been thinking about hope this week. About how hoping against the odds sometimes seems so natural, and sometimes so hard. Right now, I feel very hopeful about this cycle. I liked my doc saying "we are throwing everything we have at it". I like the fact we have an acupuncturist on hand for the transfer, and that nothing about these injections is new and scary so I don't have to deal with that. I like the Woman's Day horoscope for Pisces this week which says

"Babies and children will fill the thoughts and dreams of many Pisceans. With creative stars powering and fertility enhanced, it's time either to take extra care or go for it!"

Funny, I never read horoscopes normally, but any sign from the cosmos out there is a good sign. It just adds into that little store of hope that I am building up, because I know I will need that little store when hope fades and I start feeling like this is a dream that may not happen.

All systems go...

Saw my doc for a scan today - there is something fairly surreal about talking with him about gardening and blogs, while he does the internal! Right ovary is still in hiding, but he thinks with the stims it will pop right out and say hello very soon. We had a wee chat about blogs and he was surprised to find out I had one, but thought it was interesting, and certainly a means of finding community and support. Still think it's strange having a conversation with a probe up there and seeing all the blobs on the screen!

Upshot is, we are good to go, and I did my first injection of Buserelin right after the scan. I think the nurse was quite impressed with my needle skills! It's just good to get this show on the road again, after the delays and uncertainty.

It's a gorgeous day here in Auckland, winter sunshine and I would love to be at home! But work calls, so I must go! Not long till home time and a walk in the park with wee Katie, before injection number 2 (and Desperate Housewives later, yaay!)

One more day...

One more scan tomorrow morning, and then I start my first injections. The Buserelin is easy - pretty tiny needle and only a tiny amount, into the tummy twice a day. On Wednesday I start the Gonal F which comes in a groovy wee pen and is a bit scarier! It will be really interesting to see the side effect from that as I am on a much higher dose than last time. I organised all my medications this morning so I have everything to hand...just hoping the scan is fine so the doc gives me the go ahead.

I spoke to an acupuncturist last week who specialises in fertility acupuncture. Really nice lady, originally from Chicago, and we had a good chat. Upshot of that is we have decided to have pre and post implantation acupuncture, which has some really good success rates. We will either go see her on the way to the hospital, and on the way back, or she will come with us and do it all there. I feel pretty good about that - although I do wonder how many more needles I will have to inflict on myself, what with all the injections and blood tests and now acupuncture. I have this image of drinking too much water and springing lots of little leaks!

Have almost shaken off this darn cough/cold/flu - we ended up having a very quiet weekend and cancelling all outings - I just felt really tired and lethargic so it was nice to have some time out. Katie has had some nice walks in the park and has been taken off her leash to play with the other dogs, she was a bit scared at first apparently but is now loving it. DH is working this afternoon so I will take her up later to enjoy some afternoon sunshine. And if you ask me what love is, I will tell you that love is DH going out on Friday night at 11.30pm to the gas station to buy me some cough medicine! What a man he is :-)

So, that's the update. Am quite looking forward to getting this show on the road, have read FAR too many blogs this weekend and have either depressed the heck out of myself or gotten all excited! Ahhh the internet...it's amazing what you can find out there!

Wow, More Drugs

Yet another blood test today - levels are still nice and low so it looks like all systems go for next week. Went to see my nurse and got my supply - last time I started out on 225 IU of Gonal F (the stimulant) and this time I start out on 412.5 IU! Wow, that's a lot of hormones! Boss asked if it came with body armour for anyone I happened to be near!

The nurse told me I would have a little left over in each Gonal F Pen and I could use them to "make up" a full injection later. Avoid me that day as I will have to inject a little bit seven times to make up the dose! Ha!

So, one final scan next Monday, and then I start the injections. And roughly forty injections later (plus blood tests) we will hopefully get to the point of retrieval, fertilisation and implantation!

On a positive note, this month's Australian Woman's Weekly Pisces Horoscope says:

"If you've been wondering or waiting about a pregnancy or adoption, remember that a high percentage of Pisceans will make big progress between now and August."

I'll take that on board!

Funny Dog Stories

Ok...three things I thought of to tell you (while I have been home from work feeling fluey and coldy and generally crappy)

First - Katie has stolen the cat's toy mouse - you know the one where you pull the string and they vibrate across the floor? She was just playing with it (she goes and gets it from the shelf where it lives) and she has figured out if she holds the string part in her teeth and shakes her head really hard the mouse part will fly out and then BUZZ right back in. It's even more fun if you pull the string for her!

Second - hubby always accuses me of being an anal retentive accountant type - used to throw magazines on the floor just to see how long it would take till I broke and went nuts. What is apparently bad in me, is appealing in Katie - she files our outdoor shoes and her outdoor toys into the boxes on the deck. And she just filed toy mouse into the wood basket. A girl after my own heart!

Third - park walks are fun. Especially when the park has been partly dug up to put drainage in. And it's been raining. And digging holes is your favourite thing to do. Especially when the mud is nice and soft and squishy.

Thank goodness we have a closed off covered deck where she can dry off before coming back inside!!! Puppy school again tomorrow - yay!

We have dates!

Yesterday's blood test was a bit of an event. The usually lovely older lady who takes my blood was in a garrulous mood - she looked at my form, asked me if I was undergoing infertility treatment, and when I said yes, asked me if I had any children yet. No, I replied. Then she went on to tell me how upset I must be about the Kahui twins deaths (for those overseas, three month old boy twins were murdered about three weeks ago by a family member). Of course I was upset about the twins - the whole country was and is, and rightly so. But I really didn't need it pointed out to me while having yet another needle stuck in my arm! She did get a bit of a lecture from me on tact and kindness when dealing with infertile folks! I told her she should consider herself lucky I wasn't on the hormone injections at the time or it would have been MUCH worse!

Anyway, the blood test result was good - estrogen was low, so another bloodtest next Monday and then I pick up my drugs from the clinic for the next round. Dates are:

Friday 14th July - stop taking birth control pills
Monday 17th July - probably a scan, and start Buserelin injections (morning and night)
Wednesday 19th July - add Gonal F injections every evening.
Monday 24th July - first blood test to check estrogen.
Week beginning 31st July - egg collection, fertilisation and reimplantation.

As we all know, there are a lot of variables in there, but it feels good to have our dates and have something concrete in place to look forward to. Can't believe I am actually looking forward to starting those darn injections again! But anything is better than the waiting and uncertainty I think, so am feeling pretty darn positive...

Delay Perhaps...

Spoke to my nurse on Friday and my doc wants me to take a couple more blood tests before they start me off, and possibly a scan. I was so bummed out, but then I figure he is just being really careful, and what is the point of diving in with the meds and injections if the conditions aren't right to start with. So...while there were a few tears on Friday I figured out today that if we only have one chance left, make it the best chance possible. It's amazing how therapeutic painting the fence is - I get so much thinking done out there. Only about eight more hours and I'll be done painting and we'll be ready to start on the garden.

DH built a lovely side gate so Katie can now pretty much run the whole back garden off her leash. We've been taking her for walks around Shepherds Park which is very near us, and hubby met some other dog owners today who told him that 4pm on the lower field is "doggy time" - so that's where we'll be heading after work tomorrow. Should be fun - though rain is forecast! All is good with her and the cats though, we are definately making progress in that area. Katie has now chewed gently on both cat's tails and NOT been clouted for it!...

Speaking of dogs...here are some ways of saying "bark" in other languages

Albanian - ham, ham
Arabic - haw, haw
Armenian - haf, haf
Bulgarian - bau-bau (бау-бау); jaff, jaff (джаф-джаф)
Catalan - bup, bup
Croatian - vau, vau
Czech - haf, haf
Danish - vov, vov
Esperanto - boj, boj
Estonian - auh, auh
Finnish - hau, hau; vuh, vuh
French - ouah, ouah; ouaf, ouaf
German - wuff, wuff; wau, wau